Rossington Main 4 (A Culshaw, M Lodge, L Holmes 2)Teversal 0
Koolsport Northern Counties East Football League Division 1
Tuesday 17th March 2009
Oxford Street, Rossington
Attendance 56
Two days have elapsed since my last football match, so tonight, pre-empting any withdrawal symptoms that might be starting to kick in, I pick up my travelling companion and ask "Which sprawling metropolis of entertainment, adventure and thrill a minute excitement is your pleasure tonight good sir?"He eyes me suspiciously.
"Tonight we have a rather fruity choice of two well established south Yorkshire clubs, both within a few miles of each other, namely Armthorpe Welfare or Rossington Main ... Woo hoo! Paaaaarty!"
I can sense he isn't picking up on the vibe just yet ... Tsk, some people just don't know they're born.
So by careful process of elimination, Eeny Meeny Miny Moe (go on then you spell it!) of to Rossington we go.
The last time I went to watch Armthorpe play I got food poisoning after smashing my way with a fork into a pastie that had pastry so solid I suspected someone's pet tortoise had actually crawled into the oven and been cremated, but I was famished and thought it would be OK if I mixed my mushy peas and mint sauce in with it.
And on the same day I got back to my auto-mobile in the nearby Netto's car park and found some twat had snapped my wipers off and smeared soil all over the windscreen, cue an hazardous drive home peering through a six inch square slot I'd scraped in the mud ... ever tried buying windscreen wipers in Armthorpe on a Saturday evening? Well don't bother, you can't!
The last time I went to watch Rossington, we were met at the gate by a player who was just chucking his kitbag in the car, he told us "Game's off lads! Fookin' pitch is rock hard" So we made a last minute dash elsewhere, to yet another 'Fookin' rock hard pitch' and postponement and we were home before Corrie had finished.
On the approach to Rosso's ground, I saw a familiar looking sight in my rear view mirror. Wherever Teversal play, you will spot an Adonis type figure of a man, wearing a high visibility vest over a Tevie FC tracksuit travelling from ground to ground on his motor scooter. Back in The Good Olde Days*, he edited a fanzine called Follow The Yellow Brick Road that I used to write for under my dodgy alias of Marco van Sherpa (a hybrid of Marco van Basten and the Sherpa Van Trophy. A trophy that Mansfield Town actually won at Wembley in 1987 when it was still called the Freight Rover Trophy - they beat Bristol City on penalties after extra time - take notes I will be asking questions later on).Anybody on my Facebook will be able to spot 'Adonis' amongst my friends, he has a Benny Hill avatar.
*Go on, please tell me I'm not the only person who immediately thought of Leonard Sachs belting out 'Down At The Old Bull And Bush' recorded live from Leeds City Varieties?
Readers under 35 consult your parents for further information. Anybody else who is puzzled by this interjection, please read on ... it wasn't that important really.
I'd gone to Rossington straight from work so I delved into the food bar for something to eat. Remembering my experience at Armthorpe I asked the guy behind the counter if he knew of anybody in the vicinity of the ground who had a pet tortoise who was prone to wandering off.
He just gave me a look as though he thought I had just escaped from Rampton Psychiatric Hospital.
But to be on the safe side I just had a Twix and a bottle of Lucozade.
Uninteresting blog fact number 146 in a series of 147, Rampton Psychiatric Hospital chimney used to be visible from my front bedroom window until it was taken down and replaced with a stumpier one.
Teversal started really lively, there were definitely going to be a few goals tonight and at that point you would have thought the visitors could have afforded to have a disallowed strike chalked off (which they did have) and still leave Oxford Street with all 3 points comfortably tucked away
But Rossington Main, after the opening ten minutes, completely played Teversal off the pitch and were not flattered in any way, shape or form by the convincing four nil scoreline. I'd go so far as to say, after the opening exchanges, this turned into a one sided rout.
Laying 15th (out of 19) in the league and mid table in the current form chart, there was no hint that Rossington were even capable of putting in such an accomplished and polished performance, let alone stick home four goals into the bargain.
Before tonight they had averaged just one per game.
Oxford Street is renowned for having an excellent playing surface, ideally suited to neat passing football, but I'm reliably informed it seldom sees any.
In fact one rather critical observer I spoke to told me 'That pitch is bound to be well fertilised with all the shit that gets played on it' well tonight, he was wrong.
After going ahead through a penalty on 30 minutes, Rosso hit a purple patch and were 3-0 up by half time.
Tevie never looked like getting back into it at that point ... they didn't.
For the record, Armthorpe lost 1-3 at home to Dinnington Town before a crowd of 38, must've been something they had eaten.
